I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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