Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
