well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
