Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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