nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
