I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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