I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
