Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
