How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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