He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We need to rekindle our bromance
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
