i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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