He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
