I wish I could teleport
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
