You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
