I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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