Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
