I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think people are normalizing furries
I came so hard my ears popped.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
