this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
