wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
