i can't believe i had my finger in that
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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