when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
whose ass print is on the piano?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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