I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
