You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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