I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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