I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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