Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
