Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
