You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
