i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
