How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
