What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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