What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
