I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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