But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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