She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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