Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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