i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
