Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
