Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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