Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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