I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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