you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
