i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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