I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's shark week go big or go home
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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