you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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