I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
