chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
