Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
