I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
