i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
